Dating is hard at the best of times, but when you’re a single mumma it can be even more daunting and complex. After all, it’s not just you to consider anymore. Your time is so precious and you’d rather spend time with your beautiful child than going on a plethora of dates.
In February this year, I got to the point where I was ready to take the plunge and jump back into the uncertain waters of the dating pool. But now I’m a mumma and come as a package deal – an obligatory multipack – which means the man I was looking for needed to not only be my potential soul mate but also be a fantastic role model and inspiration for my little man (so I wasn’t looking for too much, then!)
The simple truth is – the whole dating thing is not the same as it was pre-Maxi. Oh no. Once I was skilled in swapping numbers in pubs or through friends of friends. My skill set embarking on this journey consisted of running a business, entertaining a little one, completing the housework often one handed and the only man i was likely to meet was the postman or 75-year-old neighbour.
When the only public places you frequent are soft play centres, petting zoos and playgrounds, the likelihood of meeting a male is extremely low. And if you do stumble upon a sexy stay at home Dad they are always married. So why leave the house to find a match when you can swipe through thousands of potential dates from your sofa in your pyjamas?
Working in sales for many years has me well and truly equipped for being thick skinned and resilient. I saw the dating app world for what it is…. people making judgements mostly on your best pics. Often the blurb is not even digested until later anyway. I was sat doing just the same. No… No… HELL NO! Then occasionally had the Yes, Hmmm Maybe. It’s laborious, I recommend doing it with a wine and something easy to watch on TV.
From my experience I learnt to ask difficult questions up front. I never held back because I didn’t have time to waste on idol chit chat if he was not even going to make it to a date. Organising a date was tricky! Especially when you need to think of babysitters.
Much to my surprise, I was drawn to a man I thought initially “is this guy for real?!” He had rubbish photos and very little info but seemed genuinely impressive explaining why he had rubbish pics (protecting his identity for many reasons) and he had my attention immediately. We chatted a long time the first night. I went to bed with butterflies dancing wildly. My intuition was telling me – this man was worth pursuing.
Fast forward to today, I’m more in love than I’ve ever been. I’m truly blessed to have found a man so incredibly special. He’s a strong, assertive and all-round competent man, incredibly bright but has a softness too. His strength allows me to lean into my more feminine side and enables my natural softer side to be ever more present. I’ve been able to let down my guard and hard exterior which has been just wonderful. I feel more free than ever before.
The most wonderful trait he has is very rare – open, clear, concise, considerate, eloquent, thoughtful communication. Yep – he ACTUALLY listens, understands, interacts, expresses his feelings and thoughts and I can tell you it’s AMAZING. It’s so liberating. We can literally talk about anything. It eradicates arguments as we both freely express how we feel and share thoughts, express insecurities and talk through any possible problems or challenges.
I wanted to share this because I want others to feel bold enough to try dating when you are ready. To not let your past, dictate your future. To heal yourself, even if the scars still show. Be aware there are many crazies out there and it’s not easy finding someone you feel might just be worth relinquishing your precious time to.
I’m truly grateful and blessed to have found true love. The love that you read about in fairy tales. The love I never thought I’d ever find. The love, actually, that I’ve never experienced ever before. Pure, sweet, soulful, rich, delicious love you can’t bear to think of life without. What’s even more special is my precious boy absolutely adores him too, he even said “I love him too mummy” just this week, which made my world feel complete.
Who knows what will happen tomorrow but for now I’m living my happy-ever-after.